Equality - It Might be a Dirty Word

Equal ≠ Same
Submission ≠ Subservience

There’s a problem in the world at the moment with how men and women interact. The problem is that there are no longer roles. The pendulum has swung so far over and has yet to come back to the middle. It’s no wonder marriages are failing at an ever-rapid pace. Marriage needs to be brought back to the way it was set up to begin with.

Ephesians 5:22-33 is a remarkable guide to what a marriage is supposed to be, yet I am continually amazed at how many people misinterpret those scriptures. I was “young” when I got married (if you consider 24 young), and not surprisingly I had it all wrong. My husband was even younger. However, at 21, he knew exactly what he was doing when he married me, knew the true meaning of marriage and helped to explain it to me. Incredibly, he didn’t shoot me while I was coming to terms with the “word” (shh...don’t say it out loud...you know, “submission”). I had been living in a part of the world where men were (and still are) total and complete chauvinists (my mom is probably sitting there right now grumbling – she still lives there and whole-heartedly disagrees with me). I vowed that I would marry an American, and my wonderful man got to experience the baggage of that decision. He’s SO luckeeee!

At that time in my life, the thought of submitting to my husband – well, any man really – filled me with an indignation of sorts. Ah, but God is faithful – and somewhat of a comedian.

Below is the scripture in Ephesions and my interpretation.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church; 33 however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ok, girls. Read very carefully. Your husband has to LOVE you as Christ loved the church. Do you know how much that is? It’s more than any of us deserve. He is called to love us when we are on the rampage, in a tizzy, mad at the world, fat, skinny, PMSing and in general, unlovable.

He is also responsible for the actions of his entire family. Yes, even you. Of course, we have our relationship with Christ, and he will speak to us, discipline us, love us individually, but keep in mind, if we decide to sin, not only does he look to us for repentance, but he looks to our husband as well. Kind of like, “dude, why did she do that”? He is responsible not only for his actions, but also for yours and your children’s. Kind of heavy, don’t you think?

All we have to do is submit.

This does not mean lie down and take abuse. For me, it means, when we are at an impasse of a decision, or disagree on something with no foreseeable resolution, he gets the final word. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a strong-willed person, and there have been many a knock-down drag out on a bevy of subjects. But I have noticed that in the times I refuse to submit, the whole thing caves in, and I have to go back to my husband and apologize, not because he was necessarily right, but because I did not respect him. What’s worse, is that he is not the one prompting me to apologize, God is. I don’t know about you, but I HATE feeling convicted. It doesn’t go away, and I tend not to sleep until I lay that pride down and do the right thing.

Before my husband (who, by the way, is definitely American), my longest relationship was about three months. I was sure I had it all figured out, because after all, isn’t marriage a sappy romance novel all the time? On the rare occasion you have a fight with your husband, you’re still hot for him, right? Many people (and books) raved about the wonders of make up sex after all. There’s never a day when you wonder what possessed you to marry the hairy beast with morning breath, because you know that he’s always sexy to you, and will always react just like the hero in the book. HA!

All that said, we have to remember that because we are all individual people, our emotions and circumstances change frequently, so always believing in the fairy tale (while a wonderful fantasy), is unrealistic. There are definitely times the romance exists, but there are also the times when your toddler is running amuck (amuck, amuck) and screaming his head off because he doesn’t want his diaper changed, and all you want to do is sit down with your “maaaan” and watch a movie, cuddle and drink a glass of wine (or perhaps 2). So, I try at all times to remember my credo to submit to my husband. Since we cannot come to an agreement on who should catch the 2 year old – who is now hanging from the stair banister - and change that stinky diaper, I put my arms around him and let him know that since he is the head of the household, I submit the duty of the poopy to HIM.